Maxximillian Dafoe

Archive for the ‘underdog’ Category

I take the vow.

In respect for the dreamer, underdog on July 21, 2009 at 10:38 pm

Absolutely furious today after verbal krav maga with my mother – the second round in the span of an hour – I sat down at my mac to do some work and found that I was so angry that I just could not. Rather, I would not, as I subscribe to the school of not putting anger into my work, neither while angry will I accept or make calls, text messages, etcetera, which leaves me with nothing to do but pout, sulk about outside or poke at my iPod touch until I feel better, which simply was not what I want to be doing right now. What I want to do is work. I’d been looking somewhat forward to finishing up a bit of writing and for the second time this evening, my mood was soured by a prickly encounter with my mom. It isn’t easy, really, for me to overcome these (ever increasing) little sadnesses that are brought on by her overzealous – and might I add, over dramatic – expression of my perceived shortcomings, weaknesses or oversights; they are as kryptonite, bringing me down, down, down beneath the ground. I have to sleep it off, most times. Generally, these cuts and bruises bother me for days, snuffing out any brief happiness or motivation I may have been suckling throughout the day to nurture my creative endeavors.

Angered at all of this and the original injuries, I determined NOT to be thrown of course. I opened a browser – not knowing what I’d do but certain that the internet would have something to do with this solution. I stared blankly at the empty Google search box on my screen. Knowing that there is some truth to the old adage that “misery wants company” and knowing that I  wanted to be neither miserable company nor in the company of misery, I reminded myself of my personal rule not to send out any communication in anger and removed twitter, facebook, tumblr and FML from the list of possible avenues. Focused upon the Google search bar, I knitted my brow and resolutely typed the following:
” I am at peace”.

And guess what I found?!